Free Country, Grand Line
by Amaxing
Summary: Free Country U.S.A is an island on the grand line. AU hilarity abounds!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I am not the Brothers Oda, er… I mean, I'm not Chaps sensei…umm… never mind.

Episode One 

It is mid-afternoon on the island of Free Country in the Grand Line. As the scene comes into focus, we can see a laptop computer sitting on a desk, surrounded by a pile of random 'hard disks', a stool, and a sign that says 'No Loafing.' Then, from the right side of the screen…em…scene, comes a shirtless man with a head that looks like a Mexican Wrestler's Mask. His name? Strong Bad. Present tense ends here. Past tense begins now.

Strong Bad sat down at his computer stool and typed in "runsbemail.exe" into his Lappy. While he typed, he sang a little song. "Oh E-mail, Oh E-mail, how stupid art thou. Why the heck are we on an island now?"

The E-mail appeared on the screen.

Dear Strong Bad,

What's up? I know the topic has already been covered, but I thought that your search for a replacement wasn't thorough enough. I mean _seriously_. What if you just keel over one day, and you don't have an heir to your E-mail checking throne? I think you owe it to all your fans to find a replacement.

Your Fan,

Maxwell Houseman, Folgers Connecticut.

Strong Bad finished reading the E-mail aloud, then answered. "First of all Max, is that you're _real name?_ Cuz I mean seriously, if it is, and that's really where you live, that's pretty weird. I mean, what kind of coffe do you drink?"

"Second, I'd like to congratulate you on actually spelling sincerely right. You wouldn't _believe_ how many I get where it like 'Sincerly' or 'Sincorly' or my personal favorite…or…an…ti-favorite 'Syncraly'. But, that only happened once."

"And third, by a writer's convenience, I actually _have _found a replacement. Now, he's nowhere _near_ as good-looking as I am. Not that I blame him. Cause that's pretty hard to do. But anyway, ignoring the fact that he's pretty new to all this technology stuff, he has a way with the ladies, he likes to say crap all the time, and when I challenged him to a Cheat kicking contest, he sent the poor little guy flying like a thousand miles! Poor Strong Mad is still looking for him."

Scene cuts to Strong Mad searching for the Cheat near the stick. "I WOULD WALK A THOUSAND MILES!!! I WOULD WALK A THOUSAND MILES!!!! PROCLAIMERS!!!"

Cut back to Strong Bad. "Here he is, fresh off the Thousand Suns and into my computer room, Sanji!!!"

Sanji entered the room from the left side of the screen….eh…scene. "Strong Bad….I thought you said there would be a girl here!"

"In good time, my crap-loving friend, in good time. First things first thought, you still have to pass my… sbemail test. Or in your case, my…sanmail test."

"Right, right, lets get it over with. Luffy will _kill_ me if I'm not back in time to make dinner…"

"RIGHT!! Now, I've prepared three E-mails that you need to answer. Answer them well enough and you win!"

"Win what?"

"I dunno. Chicken wings at Bubs'?"

"No thanks."

"Well c'mon man, do it anyway. I bet there's a bunch of…lady fans watching right now."

"I'LL DO IT!" Sanji said, turning his attention towards the computer. He quickly hit the 'Enter' key and scrolled to the first E-mail.

Dear Sanji,

Wassup? I were wondering what you look for in a ladie.

Your Fan,

Gaylord Bunkis.

Sanji began to type, hunting and pecking for the keys. He wasn't used to this whole 'computer' thing. "First of all, Gaylord, what the crap does 'wassup' mean? Is that even a word? If it is, I don't think it should be used in the same sentence as 'ladie', which you completely butchered, by the way. Oh, and also, about your name…_way_ too easy to make fun of man. I mean, I'd have a field day with it, but it really is too easy, and I don't want to seem unoriginal here."

"As for your question, I'll tell you _exactly_ what I look for in a lady… first of all, she has to have…."

"SANJI!"

"What's your problem, crap-wrestler?"

"Even though this isn't supposed to be a kid show, there are still little children watching, so try to keep it down to a K+ rating."

"Right…well, in that case, forget you Gayman. I don't need to waste my time answering E-mails from crap-fish like you." He hit enter and scrolled to the next E-mail.

Dear Sanji,

Do you ever drop your cigarette in your food when you're cooking?

Trevor, from Hampton, Maine.

Sanji's eyed opened wide with disgust. "SMOKE WHILE COOKING? NEVER! Honestly, you need you give me the benefit of the doubt here Trevor. Or at least the benefit of the 'not sending me these crappy e-mails'. I mean seriously, I've got half a mind to come over to your house in Hampton, Maine and kick the crap out of you. Except, I don't know where your house is, and I don't know how to get to Hampton Maine… NAMI-SAN!"

"What is it Sanji?" Nami said, poking her head in to the scene.

Strong Bad's eyes widened. "WHOA! A hot girl! See Sanji, I _told_ you we'd get one in here if you did this."

Nami just rolled her eyes. "Different Island…same perves…"

"HEY! I'm not a pervert! There's only one girl on the whole freakin' island, cut me some slack here!"

"Whatever, you were saying Sanji?"

"Oh, yes Nami-San, where is Hampton, Maine?"

"Never heard of it, can I go now? Luffy is trying to recruit that stick-thing to be our musician."

"Yes Nami-San." Sanji turned back to the computer. "Um…I'm not sure where I left off, so in closing, always brush your teeth, and be sure to drink plenty of lime juice to prevent scurvy. Alright, next E-mail!" He hit the 'Enter' key.

Dear Sanji,

How do you type with your hair in your face?

DJ Funk

Sanji smiled. Oh, I know what to do with this one…." He stood up, lifting his leg high above the computer. He swung it down onto the Lappy with full force and yelled, "DELETED!!!!" The computer beeped and flashed _Deleted_ across the screen.

The shock from the kick caused the desk to break in half, the Lappy itself flew hit the ground and then ricocheted off the screen…er…scene.

"WAUGH!" screamed Strong Bad. "I'm coming Lappy, don't worry!! I'll get you for this SANJI!" He ran off the scene.

Sanji stood there, staring. "Who the heck would want to watch that guy?" he said, and he strolled off.

Story I might add on, I'm not sure. Read and Review.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I am not the Brothers Chaps and I am not Oda-Sensei, but I still approve this fanfic anyway.

The Show

Homestar stood on a slightly elevated platform in the middle of television set, (holding?) a microphone. He took a breath, and began.

"Hello everyone. And welcome to _The Show._ Today we have two very special guests. A straw-hat wearing pirate named Homsar, and a straw-hat wearing little blue midget named Luffy. Let's begin the interview."

"Question number one. Homsar, you wrote a book recently didn't you? Tell us about that."

"We-e-e-el" began Homsar "It all sta-a-rted when I was a tiiiiny jitterbuuug…"

"Alright, that's great" Homestar said quickly. "My next question is for Mr. Laffy. You raided a government fortress recently. What are your feelings, looking back?"

Luffy looked behind him. "Well, I guess it'd be nice if you changed the color of your carpeted wallpaper thing. It seems kind of unexciting."

"And that why it goes so perfectly with the show!" said Homestar. "OVERRULED!" He banged a gavel that had appeared out of nowhere in midair. "Alright, next question. For 32,000 moneys, what would consider your main goal in life?

"I-I-I'm gonna be kiiiiiiiing of the piiiiiiraaaaaates."

"Hey! That's going to be me!" Luffy yelled angrily."

"I'm not gonna lie to ya, that's a con-stant-in-ooooopllllle."

"I don't know what that means, but whatever it means, it means war!" He tackled Homsar off screen. Homestar's mouth dropped. "We're gonna take a quick break." He said in a quick, hushed tone.

COMMERCIAL

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Static screen 

"And were back folks! All of our tech-nickel difficulties have been absolved."

Homsar was covered in x-shaped bandages, while Luffy was sitting quietly, knowing that if he made a move to harm Homsar, Strong Mad would be given his straw hat. Not good.

"We'll now move on to our 'you're a bad boyfriends' segment of the show. And surprise surprise, it's not me this time! Please put your hands, legs, and other app-en-dages together for…Roronoa Zoro and Nico Robin!

The two aforementioned straw hats walked on stage.

"Tell me Robin" Homestar began "What is it exactly that your boyfriend Zoro does that bothers you?"

"Um…nothing really. He's sweet, in an odd, gruff sort of way."

The crowd booed and threw things at Zoro. A tomato, a large chunk of Gorgonzola cheese, and a bottle of SB2O smacked against the side of his head.

"Hey! She said I was a _good_ boyfriend!" Zoro defended.

The crowd was hissing now. Marzipan stood in the crowd close to tears, saying 'How could you?' over and over again.

"Alright calm down people" Homestar said. The crowd was silenced. "I think what we need here is some nice, long, emotion filled conversation. Let each other know you care. You can do it. Reach deep, deep down and maybe you'll find…

Zoro leaned over and whispered to Robin. "Can I chop his head off?"

"I'm not sure that would be appropriate" she whispered back "it is _his_ website."

"What's a website?"

"I'll tell you later."

"…and the day will perhaps come when you can each set apart your differences and live in perfect harmony, but until then, maybe the best thing is to…"

Luffy silently crept towards Strong Mad. Then with a great bound, he tackled the giant, box-shaped giant (is that redundant? Ah well) and took his hat back. The studio audience screamed and fled. Cameras were knocked over, lights fell, and the entire set fell in on itself. Finally, the only ones left standing in the ruin were Homestar, Zoro, Homsar, and Robin.

"Alright!" Homestar yelled. "That was the greatest episode ever!"

"I-I-I-I'm not sure that this fic had a poooooiiint." Said Homsar.

"True enough Pom Pom, true enough. Now lets go get some Marshmallows!"

Strange, techno-like end-of-cartoon music began to play. Zoro turned to Robin. "Do you like marshmallows?"

"As long as they don't have faces, fly around and talk."

They laughed. Surely there couldn't be marshmallows out there like that.

For those of you who somehow skipped Chapter 1 and came write to here, this is my pointless, AU, attempt-at-humor fic! I hope you laughed at least .5 times.


End file.
